Tested

When I was 9 years old my mom had a carnival in the parking lot in front of her salon. There were games, hot dogs, cotton candy and the biggest bounce house you ever saw. I got to pour fountain drinks at the hotdog booth and I got to sit in the dunk booth a couple of times. I was virually unsupervised in a carnival for an entire weekend and could do and eat anything i wanted. But, my favorite part was when the sun went down and all the people were gone and my mom and her friends were still hanging around talking, I got to go into the bounce house all alone. When I got tired of jumping I laid down and sank into the fluffiness of the bounce house and turned my face toward the stars. I felt like I could breathe them in. I can't remember another time in my life that I felt more comfortable and peaceful and still. I tell you that to tell you this:

Every morning when my husband wakes up he makes big plans and lots of them. i.e., take boys to the park, phone calls, errands, appointments, estimates, quotes, help a friend, help a family member, wash the car, mow the yard, take a nap... you get the picture. One problem, he doesn't have enough time to get it all done. I've tried to help him...well, I've tried to nag the problem right out of him but to no avail. Did I mention he loves to take naps and usually wants to fit a nap in once a day. I love him. I am a witness to the amazing transformation that Christ has done in that man but Jesus and I are still talking about this issue and I think He likes to use it to test me.

Last night, that man that I love, was so tired because he works so hard to provide for our family. We had plans to meet somewhere as a family and sweet husband wanted to take a nap before he left. He set his alarm and I headed off with the boys. That sweet man that I love slept through his alarm and slept through our plans. I had words for my sweet husband. And while I was putting those words together perfectly in a text message, Jesus said, "I'm here." And He reminded me that I'm adapting, that sweet husband is my king, that he worked really hard and was really tired and couldn't I just be ok with him sleeping and getting rest. Because you see, Jesus loves my husband too. Then I felt a pull on my pride and a grit in my teeth and a purse of my lips and I ignored Him. I heard that voice inside of me that always says, "My feelings are hurt and no one is going to hurt my feelings and get away with it." I texted those words to the sweet, sleeping man.

A few hours later I remembered this: he's allowed to mess up. He lets me get away with not being perfect all of the time. So, I'm laying in bed last night and I asked Jesus, "Ok. I said the wrong words. I can't change that, but I can change the way I think about this situation. What do you say about it Jesus?" And He said this, "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of Almighty. I will say of the Lord, You are my Refuge and my Fortress, You are my God in whom I trust." And there I was laying in that bounce house again, comfortable and peaceful, breathing in the stars and glowing from with-in. It's not my king-husbands job to meet my needs, there is only one King that can do that.


This was on facebook the other day, "It's not our job to seek God's will, it's our joy to seek His face. I choose to spend time in worship, adoration and meditation. Seeking the Lord's face is a pleasure. The Lord knows what is coming, and I am confident that He will show me if I cannot work it out myself."