Friday, March 16, 2012

3 Hard Eucharisteos

1. Listening to my babies scream but remembering to be thankful for screaming babies.

Nothing, and I mean nothing gets under my skin more than whining and screaming.  The other night, riding in the car,  I had endured more whining and screaming than my tense neck and aching jaw could handle.  I had finally had enough. Just when I thought I was going to start screaming, I started laughing.  I remembered in that moment to be thankful for my boys. My neck was still tense and I had to consciously unset my clenched jaw.  My 3 year old caught me smiling and became even more mad at me for laughing but I was thankful.  The moment was a gift.

2.  Little, blonde, chubby legged baby with a tumor in his brain.

I can't understand why he has a brain tumor.  I see a picture of him sleeping and the way he puckers his lips brings my head down to my hands and brings tears to my cheeks.  I feel guilty that my babies are healthy and also I'm thankful.  I asked God, "why?"  Why would he pick that little boy's family to have to endure that. "Don't you know what they're going through?"  I warned him that he'd better never ever do that to me.  He reminded me of the beauty in telling him, "Whatever it takes."  Whatever it takes to bring me closer to him.  My children aren't my own. None of this belongs to me.  John 3:27 "A man can receive nothing if it hasn't been given from heaven."  I know what you're thinking, "Easy for you to say Crissy." But this is what his mamma wrote on a dark day:

"Dear God - 

Today has been a dark day, but I have felt you with me. I know that you are here holding my hand and embracing me with love and warmth. 

I don't know what your plan is for Carter. I do know that whatever happens was meant to be and that Carter was brought here for a reason. He is an angel of yours, dear Lord. I know it.

I hear you whispering to me today through the tears. I think that I know what you're trying to tell me. I hope that I'm hearing you right. 

I am not giving up hope. I am not going to quit fighting. I am not going to stop having faith in you. Carter will win this battle - whether it is here on earth or with you dear Lord. It's a win-win situation. I am at peace with that. 

I hope that you hear my prayers, dear Lord. Can you hear me now? We are an army fighting this battle and you are leading the way. We have brought new believers to you. We have brought those whom have lost faith in you back. We have strengthened the faith of loyal followers. We have shown the world the power of prayer and the love that you have for your children.

I will not ask you for a miracle, Father God. That is for you to decide. Not me. It is in your hands Heavenly Father. I'm not giving up on Carter. I am giving it up to you."

To join Prayers for Carter on Facebook click here.

3.  Waiting to hear God's voice when I'd really like to get the show on the road.

God's timing is better.  I have a choice to do 1 of two things.  Both will be equally fun.  I asked him the other day, "Can I go ahead and do this one."  He said, "Sure. But, don't you want to know what I think?"  Me, "Yes."  Him, "Be still."  Me, "Meh..."

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